How not Why

I know its been sometime since I have blogged. My house, friends, and family seemed to be followed by sickness. No need to worry we are all on the mend. I think my blog is going to be a little all over the place, consider yourself warned. 

I recently downloaded, the very loved, Pandora app. I chose the 90/2000 pop station (considering its music from "my time.") and the song "100 years" came on. It spoke of being 15 and 22. I thought back and how long but so close 15 was. Nine years does not seem like a lot but when you only have 100 years as the song implies, its a lot. I thought of the things I have done in those years.... I have finished high school,rebelled as a "Legal adult", graduated college, started a career, married, and faced a long trivial pregnancy. But what have I done with my life?? Have I influenced anyone? Have I been the godly example of a mother and a wife? Have I witnessed to anyone in my pathetic "sob stories?"

I , like most, have had my share of sob stories;I have seen family members fall apart from drugs and alcohol, I have seen divorce, I have watched friends die before their time, I have watched jealousy trip families apart, I have seen years of bickering separate siblings.  We all have our stories. I have been reading the devotional by Laura Story on her song "Blessings." One of the biggest things I read was that sometimes seeing someone out of a hard situation is through personal experiences. I had been facing some troubling times of "Why" God had given Elizabeth such a "Hard" life. Please take these words serious, I in no way question God. I feel it is human nature to seek an answer to a question we feel is so crucial. but ultimately does he HAVE to answer? The answer is NO. Gasp Gasp... I know right.... You mean he can give us a trial and a circumstance and in NO way give us an answer... Maybe its taken you a little longer than me, maybe not, but in all the WHYS I forgot that he never guaranteed an answered he just guaranteed us that he had plan for us to prosper (Jeremiah 29:11).

I wonder in my few shorts years I will live on this wonderful planet God designed for me for you, did I touch a life with my experienced? Have I touched enough? Or have I got so wrapped up in seeking the answers to my own fleshly question I have forgotten to ask "How?" How will you use ME Lord? Someday I like to think I will wake up and think "How" everyday but unfortunately as the Bible says In Romans 3:23 I will fall short and I will question. I am made of mere flesh and bones but with his words and his promises of a bright future I can only continue to pray I will wake up every morning and say ; How Lord will you use me today?

This blog feels more like a devotional than a blog. Its not my usual "special needs" or a mothers advice. Just me putting fingers to keypad! Hope you enjoyed.

Please excuse any grammatical errors I did not have the time time or the patience to proof read.