I find sometimes we are so focused on being positive for everyone that sometimes we have to have a talk with ourselves about reality. I fight negative thoughts so much I rarely like to admit I have them because I do not want my words to be seen as anything but encouraging.
Today was a day of facing demons. I had unknowingly went to a place that I don't like to think of until that time comes.
A friend of mine posted on Facebook that her son (who also has magical abilities) come in the kitchen whistling and paused and said "Hey mom!" And continued on his way whistling. She spoke of how at one point she never thought that he would speak clear enough to be understood and now he proudly speaks clearly. I went on to read the comments listed below that talked about how it's all to do with competition. She explained that she can't make him try new foods, he refused them, but as soon as his sister tries them he's all about it. You see, he refuses to be left behind by his sister. That same friend messages me a link to to a blog of a mother of 3 (almost four) talk about how her daughter was motivated by her younger brother. She spoke about how her daughter refused to jump,kick, run, and climb in PT but the thought of her brother outdoing her was unacceptable. She quickly became a pro at jumping and climbing.
Another child.... I thought... Can I do that? Wont Elizabeth be so demanding of my time? Will I have time to take on another child? Should I wait till she's less "demanding"? I mean I can't wait too long, I've always said I didn't want to be pregnant in my 30's. I have thearapy appointments and doctors appointments every week. Then I thought.. Will the next child be healthy? How much time will I spend in the NICU? What would I do with Elizabeth when I am? Is that fair to her? What if the child isn't healthy? Elizabeth deserves a "healthy" sibling to challenge and motivate her. And my most shameful thought... We deserve a "healthy" baby.
You must understand these thoughts are not easy to share. They sound So... So selfish. They sound so ungrateful. Do not misunderstand me I am Beyond thankful Elizabeth's health. I am thankful for her. I am blessed!
But in all my demon facing it taught me something.... Something that I have heard since I was a child. Sometimes we forget those wonderful childhood lessons. We listen to them in Sunday School but we never hear them.
Psalms 9:10
And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
This tells me to trust in God! That he will not forsake me!
John 14:1
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.
I hope you took one thing away from this blog, trust in Him! Do not let your concerns trouble you. He will direct your path! He will not forsake you.
4:30 AM snuggle
No comments:
Post a Comment