Elizabeth is just gettin in stages of attempting to crawl with assistance. Actually she crawls amazing with assistance. She is determined NOT to crawl unless I'm helping. I hit my limit. I felt like I was failing my child. "It's your fault. Your not doing something she needs. She'll never crawl. She'll be in a wheelchair because she'll never learn to walk. You FAILED. " it was as of the devil was screaming in my ear. Everyone's seen the cartoon where the devil is on your shoulder? Well that's what it felt like! I could feel him. And the worst part was is I was LETTING him WIN. I was giving in. I felt sorry for myself. I believed it.
As I was "vent" texting another DS mom of my feelings (who thought I was completely normal for feeling that but crazy as well.) Elizabeth totally shocked me. I don't know why I'm surprised by Gods timing anymore but it never stops to humble me.
Let me backtrack a bit. Elizabeth and her nana have worked on Patty Cake since she was probably two months old. For literally over a year now she has refused to clap her hands and only holding on to yours and clapping Yours.
Back to Gods timing. It always humbles me. Here I am in the throws of my pitty party and I notice Elizabeth concentrating ,studying her hands , getting ready to do something. I'm not sure what. I never am with my sweet girl. Little did I know in that instant it is as if the planets aligned and the world made sense and she began clapping. Although no sound escaped those tiny hands a smile broke through. I promise if a smile could literally light a room Elizabeth's would be the one. She was proud and was completely aware of her new accomplishment.
Maybe it was Gods timing. You see in my frustration with myself I had left her some toys out of arms reach that she would have to lean down and get on her belly to get. In doing so she decided her hands were more interesting. If I had never left her there to her own devices I am not sure she would have figured it out so soon. Either way God has a way of always choosing proper timing! Sometimes he's teaching us there is something else that we should be learning at that time then what we thought! It's like taking a nutrition class in your basics thinking you'll never use it then years later deciding to be a nurse and realizing you would have taken it now if you hadn't goofed off then.
"We cry in anger when we cannot feel your near
we doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if each promise from your word is not enough
And all the while, you hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your blessings come through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?
What if the trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?"-
Laura Story "Blessings"
She writes a devotion off this song! If your battling a trial it's well worth it!
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