If your a control freak raise your hand

In my life there are few sounds or words that I can remember the exact place and time I heard it. I can remember when Jacob said "I do", I can remember when he told me he loved me, I remember when he said "Victoria Ouellette will you marry me?" 

Obviously my husband plays a big role in these monumental moments. But the day my daughter coo'd and giggled for the first time will forever mark a turning point.

I had a thought tonight. While trying to get Elizabeth to sleep tonight, after 30 minutes of cooing and giggles, I had one thought, "God let every sound she makes and every word she will speak proclaim your Glory, mercy, love, and grace!"

I want Elizabeth to be living proof of Gods grace. Do not misunderstand. My daughter is no "charity case" or "oh pitiful me" . My daughter is a witness to anyone who can't see, or needs that encouragement that their miracle is around the corner. 

Do not get me wrong I would never change Elizabeth or the way she is. I want everyone to understand that I love her and know God made her perfectly! But maybe someone needs to hear this...

Obviously, this is not the way me and Jay thought it would go. It's like getting on a plane to Paris and wake up and your in London. (Please read Welcome to London if you haven't.) My first thought when they told me something was "wrong" with my little girl I questioned "why me, I did everything right. I married then got pregnant, I took my vitamins everyday. I did not drink caffeine. I didn't even drink it when we were trying." 

But God answered every question, every worry, and every doubt the day Elizabeth was born. I am unfortunately a huge control freak. I refuse to use automatic draft because I like control of when my bills are paid. I'm too scared to turn the bills over, not because Jay can't do it,but because it want be done my way. Boy oh boy, God took one look at me and said "Hold on girl I'm about to show you WHO is in control." 

I will tell you one thing! God never made a mistake. I wish I could go back and tell my pathetic, doubting, confused self that God knew what he had planned. Don't get me wrong it wasn't the "down syndrome" I was upset about. It was being out of control and just knowing something was wrong. (At that time we didn't know she had downs. But one day when I share the story it will make sense.)

My point is that God is in control. He will supply all our needs according to his riches in Glory! He knows what he is doing! Please stop being angry, confused, or depressed and realized God knew everyday or problem you would face before your mothers mother was even a thought! I can't fully wrap me head around it but I thank God for it!