Up until the gender reveal ultrasound my pregnancy had been very uneventful. I did not have the morning sickness. I was crazy tired my first trimester. And sleep at night in my second was dang near impossible due to my "shrinking" bladder. As my belly seemed to be bigger than anything else I began to have trouble getting in our 10 foot tall sleigh bed. Okay maybe not 10 foot tall but still. I had no crazy or outlandish craving. Although I could go through a 5lb bag of grapes in a day. I had no "close" or scary calls. For that matter getting pregnant was a breeze.
At the end of February I had finished my packet of birth control. I jokingly approached Jacob and said "how about I don't get it filled again?" Jacob knew I had been dying to get pregnant since we'd been married 6 months. Little did I know 3 weeks later I was pregnant. I was 5 weeks when I found out. Jay was thrilled. I was excited once I picked myself up off the floor. Soon after I walked everywhere rubbing and cradling my pudge. I was a natural at being pregnant. I loved it. Jay loved it. We loved seeing my belly grow everyday. It was a ritual.. Jay came home from work showered,ate, then we ate popcorn and watched tv while he talked to my belly.
Jay was at every doctors appointment. He worked swing shift so we were able to schedule around him. This specific doctors appointment he had just worked out at 7AM so I told him my dad would go. We were doing a follow up to my gender ultrasound. In the gender ultrasound we spotted a bright white spot. The tech felt confident that it was just the ultrasound and we would repeat.
I noticed she was unusually quiet. She was not laughing and ahhing with us. I left my dad in the waiting room while I went back to meet with the OB to do measurements and hear see ya next month. Well that's what I thought anyways. When she opened her mouth I heard two words.... Down Syndrome..... Everything else was like something you heard in Charlie brown. I held it together until I could make it out of the doctors office. I had to fill out paper work to began seeing a high risk OB. I had done my quad screen and everything was great! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All I wanted to do was get home to jay. He was up and waiting on me. I remember changing clothes and climbing into bed. I remember asking Jay if he blamed me, if it was my fault. I remember crying and telling Jay he deserved a normal baby that if he had married another woman he would have had one. Of course Jay has never blamed me and I haven't had those thoughts or worries since that day.
I no longer have those fears. Truth be told the only fears I have are about her health. And those are under control. I no longer worry about what people think. I am getting ahead of myself though. ...
We went on to see a high risk OB for several months. In each appointment I was told they didn't know what was wrong, there was nothing wrong but areas of concern, that most likely my daughter would be still born.
Finally around 28weeks I took a test to draw her blood from mine (materniT21) to test for Trisomy13,18,and 21. At 29 weeks they confirmed it was Trisomy 21. My husband and I never cried.We actually smiled, hugged, and said we were glad that's all. We have not looked back since. We knew that Elizabeth was perfectly made for us. She was specifically knit in my womb to perfection and that's all she'll ever be.
I find myself becoming a huge DS advocate. I am in love with them. I am offended by the thought of ever changing her. I was born the day my daughter was born.
I'm dot gonna make it seem like roses. At times it is anything but roses. I had a short period of grief but was quickly reminded that it could have been worse and I ha e never looked back since. I have embraced her diagnosis and hope that it continues to witness to people. The little girl they told me would never live just turned 10 months yesterday! God is good!
For any diagnosed mom:
They will give you more love than you thought possible. They will show you purity to life. They will teach you great fullness and true hardwork. They will show you what real determination and motivation is. They will remind you that good things do not come easy. You will rejoice is the small small things. And shout for the big things. You will never take forget to be thankful for a healthy baby. You will have days you want to hide in the bathtub and turn on the radio. You will have days that if you mix one more medication you'll scream. But I can promise you this..... The good totally outlays the bad! They will bless you everyday! Oh and congratulation on your magical gift!
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
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