Day 10

Today was an amazing day with friends. Elizabeth and I went to lunch with some other special needs moms from the area. We all have different diagnosis but we all share the "common" things. Our children are special needs. We know about DRs appointments, hospital stays, and therapy visits. We know the toil it can take on a family with special needs. Of course, we wouldn't have it any other way. There is something soothing about knowing your not alone. When you meet with friends who have been in your situation and walked in those shoes you feel supported in a way other people can't give you. Yes, your family wants to understand. Yes, they love and support you. Yes, they wish they could empathize. 

What am I getting at? If I found one consistent event in all of our lives were that as much as family and friends want to say the right thing... sometimes... they don't know what to say so they say all the wrong things.

Some common statements.... Were going to love IT. We will love her ANYWAYS. She doesn't have DS because....(please realize not all these things were said to ME they are a collaboration of things said to people I have gotten to know). Sometimes it isn't your exact statement as it is their demeanor. I fought the biggest battle with some family members refusal to accept because some of the possible symptoms for DS were not there. For example, the semi crease in the palm, Elizabeth does not have it. Or the plain our refusal to believe after medical proof. I know they meant NO harm as they were dealing with their own acceptance and grief .Some of the hardest things to accept are when they happen to people you love and not yourself. It took me a while to understand they were grieving FOR ME. 

So where am I headed with all this? Sometimes the best way to support a new diagnosis is to just smile and pray. We aren't looking for justification or what caused it we are looking for acceptance. It is hard when a parent accepts but is constantly trying to convince everyone. Although, I am less sensitive then most. I love questions. I love to tell her story. I love to openly share that Elizabeth is unique in every way. I did not however, deal well when some of my family denied it. In a way I guess I felt as if they were denying who Elizabeth was. Like I said it has taken me some time to realize they were in the midst of their own grief. 

I hope after someone reads this blog next time instead of saying It's mild... or I don't think she has it...Try saying... Oh! She's Perfect... Who cares about that let me cuddle that sweet thing!

My disclaimers- No I am not talking about any family member in particular. Nor is this blog meant to be taken personally. Hopefully it helps a person who has no idea what to do have an idea of what to tell their friend or family member.