Self pity isn't a good look for me

Today I have wanted to have a cry, scream,kick, and yelling self-pity party! I refuse! I refuse to let the devil have that joy!

I have noticed when I get an answer or in a situation that isn't "ideal" my human nature wants to take over and throw myself this big pity party! 

I am here to tell you my "ideal" situation with our daughter is to be at home and snuggling on our couch! But, oh yes there is a but, it could be so much worse I could not be able to hold her at all! After reading a support page on FB I was taking back. This mother was telling her friends and family that her little girls co2 was so high the Dr's were not even able to calculate it! Her o2 stats where in the 70's or 80's. I suddenly felt like a horrible person. My daughter is smiling, happy, and giggly! The only cords that attach to her is the occasional feeding through the Gtube  or if she's sleeping a sat monitor. 

Sometimes the hardest thing for me is to resist the urge to have a good old fashion meltdown.  I want to throw a fit and say "Why me? All my friends babies are home an healthy." But thank God, I get over my pity party and realized I am so blessed! Things could always be worse! It's a saying me and Jay have learned to live by. We are SO blessed to have our healthy daughter! 

I thank God for these trials and experiences! He has shown me who I really am! I often say that when Elizabeth was born I was born. I have found a new faith,love,passion, and courage for Jesus Christ! I am not and will never be perfect! I am only human, and though I do not often share my "negative" moments, sometimes you have to share the good with the bad! Plus that's what I said I was going to do! 

So my point you ask? It's nothing to be ashamed of for having these thoughts or moments, it's what you take from these moments that matter!