Whose your coach?

I am starting to think there may be something to this whole psychosis thing people get in the hospital. I am serious but kidding at the same time. I can be a little umm... anal retentive. 

Yes, I am pretty easy going. Yes, I can be very logical. But... I like things done in a system. It's how I survive with all of Elizabeth's medical "accessories." For instance, when I give Elizabeth her meds I make them for a whole 24 hour period. I have my own way to dilute them with water so that I know the MLS to give her. Each med gets their own syringe. Not here. They measure all the water out and meds and mix them all in one syringe.  Not only that but because they change the water they dilute it with it changes the MLs so I can't go behind the check the dosage. I also have a system and know JUST the right amount of milk to put in her bag at night so that it beeps at certain times. Here they do it their way and the milk is in a fridge behind a lock doors. 

I am feeling out of my element. Truth be told I am feeling out of control of my situation. I don't do well out of my system. Having a system for Elizabeth is important to me. I have read several parenting articles where a system is important. Something tells me even with future children I will enjoy my schedule feeds and a sleep schedule. I like a system. It keeps me in check as well as the child. In a way I can't help but wonder if God is "testing" me. It reminds me of the times when we were searching for Elizabeth's diagnosis. I feel like he is showing me little by little the steps and path he has planned for me. He lets me know far enough ahead to make decisions but also says you only need to see so far. I am learning and growing every day with Elizabeth.  Not just as a mom but as a person. I am learning life throws you curve balls. I am learning " its not if you win or lose but how you play the game."  I'd like to think that I am not a rookie but I am not a veteran. It is a relief to know I have a coach that is so powerful and loving behind me. He's already created my whole play book. It is up to me to play at my best ability.