Dear Time Change

Whoever enjoys the extra hour of sleep is clearly not a parent. They've never struggled through a night of a restless toddler or your 4 year old playing with her Minnie at 4 AM with a hacking cough and a nose that's a snot factory.

Today I have been on the struggle train. I can't keep the sink clear of dishes, the washer unloaded, or clothes folded. If I do, I turn around to pouring noses and dirty diapers.

I am not the only one on the struggle train. My newsfeed has been filled with moms with #momlife of statuses wishing for sleep.

As a young married couple, we thought an hour extra of sleep meant that we got to stay up an hour later and go to the movies on a work night! Gasp! Now, it means the kids are up an hour earlier but not in bed any sooner than before.

My life would be complete if a scientist or elite college could run a clinical study on toddlers and how time change affects their sleeping patterns.  I would also love to know the percent of children that are sick on these days as well.  Until then my sink will overflow and my washer will never stop!

To all the moms out there! My the odds of sleep ever be in your favor!

Sincelry,

4 cups of coffee and a destroyed living room later, Victoria Brockway

Stay Tuned

Its been a good year or more since I have put fingers to keyboard. Most days it feels like yesterday. I still remember my last  blog. I sat at the breakfast table, sipping decaff coffee, watching Elizabeth eat her own breakfast. My round belly keeping me from sitting close to the table. The heat from the sunny window. An anxiously heart awaiting the arrival of another child. My how time has flown.

In the last year we have brought a baby home and made growing pains from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I have watched Elizabeth blossom into a self sufficient child.( For the most part she bathed her entire body with minimal help from me tonight- minus her hair!) I have nursed and nourished my youngest, watching her grow into a sweet toddler. We are vastly approaching their birthdays of 4 and 1.

I find myself in a constant state of "mom'n it." We shuffle from therapies on Monday and Tuesday's, along with dance on Tuesday night. We have PreK Wednesday-Friday and spent Wednesday night with Elizabeth learning beautiful worship songs in Choir and learning how to play a mean air guitar from Demi.LilyAnna refuses nursery so she hangs out with mommy in her Ladies Group.

Life has been one crazy adventure after another over the last year but I couldn't be in a better place. I am learning that " I can get by with a little help from my friends." I am learning the value of real, open, honest, and raw friendships. I am blessed to be in a season of life where I am enfolded and loved by so many generations of woman, from seasoned moms to friends freshly out of college. I am learning that it's not all about the ages and stages.

Jacob and I are learning the value of making time in Gods house a priority and his blessing are richly unfolding before us. We are finding our place in a wonderful community of loving Christians. Our children are finding their place. (Which if I am being honest is the hardest part for me. Letting Elizabeth out of my comfort zone, into classes of her own, with her typical peers, and not being their to protect and explain her behavior to a child before she is reject is probably the hardest part of my letting go.)  We are blessed to be part of such a loving church family that we're all finding our way.

This last year has been an interesting season of life. I have expanded my heart in ways I didn't know possible. I have stretched myself and my time, which seemed impossible, between two sweet babies. I am learning to meet the demands of mother of two and wifey of one.  So with that statement I am signing off  to work on my wifey skills and spend a few moments with the husband before he falls asleep waiting for me to get off this thing!

Good Night Folks!

PS: I am going to try to pick my blogging back up for those of you who seemed to enjoy it! So please stay tuned!

I love doing life with you

For anyone who follows me on Facebook they probably saw me share a picture of the infamous red Starbucks cup. Don't worry this blog has nothing to do with the ever so controversial "holiday" cup. 

Today, my day started how must days do, I got up showered and dressed for the day. By 6:30 both the girls were awake and hungry. I fed them both, dressed them, then dropped Elizabeth off at preschool. LilyAnna has thrush so off to the doctor we went. I then rushed off to wal-mart. I did the grocery shopping and even scored my dads birthday present. As I was headed home I ran through the Starbucks drive through. I accomplished all this BEFORE 11 o'clock! I was so proud. Then it struck me. I am blessed enough to do this BECAUSE of my husband. 

There are several elegantly bloggers who have talked about being a stay at home mom and a hard working husband. My blog isn't as elegant or special. It's a simple stay at home mom who got knocked in the head with the epiphany in the Starbucks drive through. Without him there wouldn't be a midday Starbucks, or grocery trip done for the week. 

I've been a full time stay at home mom and a mom who worked with a toddler at home. I know both sides. But I'm lucky enough that Jacob and I share the same opinion of me staying home with the girls. I'm blessed enough that he provides. And I'm even luckier he picked me to do it with! 

So to all hard working men with a wife, thank you! Thank you for choosing us to do live with you! Whether we work or not we love doing live with you! 

Goodbye "babyhood" , Hello "Toddlerhood"

As our house is welcoming a new baby soon and so many changes have occurred. Life is beginning to change daily and in the best of ways. We are preparing to welcome our sweet little girl in just 10 short weeks. Elizabeth has picked now to learn how to walk and signs just about all of her daily demands. 

As I was preparing breakfast for Elizabeth this morning I was bombarded with an array of emotions. Here sat Elizabeth at my breakfast table, buckled in to her booster, signing that she was hungry. I was no longer looking at MY baby. I was looking at a sweet toddler maturing before my eyes. So I did what any good mom would do. I put on a pot of coffee (decaff obviously) cooked Elizabeth's eggs and when it was all done joined her at the table. 

As my coffee let off swirls of steam I began to think about saying goodbye to one baby and welcoming another. No, I am not saying goodbye to Elizabeth, just her "babyhood." We will soon welcome a new baby and say hello to Elizabeth growing up and becoming a big sister. 

When Elizabeth was a small baby I could never her picture her walking, talking, feeding herself, etc. I could only imagine her as a infant. I can now imagine, and thanks to Gods love for me dream (literally), of her wonderful milestones. Now that we are here I am rejoicing in so many ways. I would say it is sad but I would be lying. To see Elizabeth celebrate her milestones is something not even the doctors thought would happen. I am blessed by all God has given our family and it will never be forgotten. 

So here are a few of my thoughts for Elizabeth this morning;

Dear Elizabeth,

One day I wont be able to count the crumbs of goldfish on the floor or the amount of laundry I've washed in one day. You'll be too busy doing your things to climb up in my lap for one more rock. Soon your days will consist of the school, friends, and your interest.You'll be in your room jamming to some current hit on the radio. I'll be busy getting you and your sister from point A to point B. Your good morning kisses and tight hugs that shake your whole body will be forever ingrained in my memory. The way you scream "daddy" when you are excited will still be one of the top 5 sweetest sounds I have ever heard. I promise to always try to take it day by day.I promise to try to remember when we face challenges ahead that God is only letting me borrow you, that you have been his from the beginning. You were the first child to open up mine and your daddy's eyes to unconditional love. You taught us the true meaning of determination and stubbornness. You taught us to believe in miracles and that the shows not over till God tells us it is. Thank you holding us accountable and making us forever grateful. Thank you for making us parents. Thank you for leaving everyone you come in contact with something special. We are so PROUD of you exactly how you are. We will forever love you! 

P.S. Don't hate me when you look back on all the photos of you with big bows, and outfits that are too sweet to resist. No baby ever looked cuter than you did. 

Love,

Mom

I have a feeling that my reflections aren't uncommon for a mom with a toddler welcoming a new baby. I am blessed to have both of my girls and cannot wait to see our family grow in love and numbers. So tonight when you put your toddler to bed try not to be sad that they are so independent, instead thank God for instilling that independence in them. I have a feeling I may need my hands free for this next one. I gotta say goodbye, my sweet toddler, has made her way to her bedroom to play and I have to make sure her walls/doors are still standing.

The Daily Struggle

There are moments that define us as parents. Moments of "ahhah" as you can say. These moments can be anything from a walk in the park to a therapy secession that has sent you over the edge.

There as so many things we look forward to with parenthood. That unconditional love, the snuggles, the sweet smells, the little giggles. Then there are those no one warned you about. The moments you have given your last ounce of energy to a screaming toddler refusal. The moment you've changed the last dirty diaper you can stand for the day. The moment when your toddler screams till they can go outside and play on the swing. Or the moment where you child's refusal to stand or walk can bring you to tears. Tears that are coming from deep in your soul that are brought on by fears you dare not discuss out loud. Fears that your husband doesn't have. Fears your mother or mother-in-law will tell you not to worry because its completely normal. Fears your friends try to calm you by saying she is going through basically the same thing with her child only instead of walking its the refusal to sleep in her "big girl bed." And they are all RIGHT.

They always are but in YOUR moment you can't see it. All you see is the immediate struggle. Some nights your dreams of her walking and running around the house wake you disoriented and sad. But on the other hand they give you hope for one more day. Reassurance that God is smiling and letting you know that ONE day, ONE DAY, she'll get there.

So mommy's don't sweat the milestones today. Don't lose your cool over "the last dang diaper" you can handle. Don't react when they throw the 5th sippy cup on the floor cracking it. Ignore the screams when you get up to go pee because you haven't went in eight hours. Instead embrace this season. In a year you'll look back and remind yourself of a time when she couldn't do the things she does now. A day will come when she no longer needs nor WANTS your hand to walk. She wont need you to get her favorite Mickey and Minnie mouse yogurt out of the fridge because she'll go get it herself WITHOUT telling anyone she needed it. Eventually she wont need that sippy cup because she wants the big girl cup with the flowers on it.

I think when we are having these moments God is preparing us. Slowly and intricately weaving a beautiful harmony to our lives. Each struggle is a new note to add to our piece. I can't help but think when its all over we have one heck of a song. One that would rival any classical piece out human ears can perceive. So today... Press on Moms! Press on!

Psalms 25:1-7

1 In you, Lord my God,
    I put my trust.

2 I trust in you;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one who hopes in you
    will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
    who are treacherous without cause.

4 Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
5 Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
    for they are from of old.
7 Do not remember the sins of my youth
    and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
    for you, Lord, are good.

O Holy Night

For some reason the song "Oh Holy Night" has been a favorite of mine. It is a beautiful and intricate piece of music. And also takes a heck of a singer to belt out its long and glorious notes.

As our usual tradition we attended the candle light communion on Christmas Eve. It has became one of my most favorite past times. The beautiful elegance of hundreds of voices coming together to weave a complicated melody filled with the glow on each smiling face lit by a candle and the recognition of our Lord and Saviors birth doesn't happen every day.

This year my views on Christmas have been a little more mature and gracious than past years. I have taken all the moments I could to quietly soak in the excitement of our sweet girl and the love our family surrounds us with. I have on many occasions realized how blessed we are. We're not only blessed with materials but we are blessed everyday with forgiveness and love by our Lord. Tonight I will rejoice and have hope for a new and glorious day that the Lord has given me just like the song tells me:

"Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoicesFor yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!"

So tonight when you lay your sweet little, or big ones, down take a moment to soak in that our world is full of sin and terrible things we see on the news everyday but we can awake with hope because God has blessed us.

Enjoy your family, friends, and gifts. But always be mindful of what the season really means. For those interested, I want to attach all the words of  "Oh Holy Night" because sometimes you just need to see it in black and white to appreciate its beauty!

"Oh holy night!
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
Oh hear the angel voices
Oh night divine
Oh night when Christ was born
Oh night divine
Oh night divine

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming
Here come the wise men from Orient land
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend

Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name"


Merry Christmas from The Brockway's!

A bloggers therapy

So many times I wonder why I still continue the blog. But to be honest, its therapeutic. Its a way to witness but yet be real about the life I live. Its a safe place to hash out my fears, dreams, and acknowledge Elizabeth's accomplishments.

Often I feel like I am a broken record but I made a promise a long time ago that I would "blog", scream, talk, cry, or sing Elizabeth's story at every opportunity I have. In the last week I have faced a wave of emotions. As some may know tomorrow marks the two years that Elizabeth was life lighted to Birmingham Children s Hospital. My beautiful pink, strong-willed, opinionated daughter was quickly changed to a pale, unresponsive, lethargic baby. Our world would soon begin to do a complete 360. And oh boy did it!

On November 31st (Saturday) at 11:30 PM Elizabeth was carried by Jet to Birmingham. We were told to kiss our daughter goodbye because it might be the last time. We had never seen our daughter on a ventilator. We were completely in awe. As scary as Elizabeth's birth was it in no way was ever life or death. She just a very sick baby, up until that point we had never faced the conversation of death. We kissed our daughter goodbye. I don't remember much, just that Jacob literally carried me out of the NICU.

I am not sure I remember much of the trip. I remember it being quiet and my unhushed tears being the only noise made. I remember holding a while fleece blanket with pink and purple polka dots that she had just slept on. I remember her belongings were packed in a few hospital bags. I remember stopping at a gas station along the way to Birmingham and looking at myself in the bathroom mirror.I remember the nurse calling for my permission for blood transfusions. I remember the DR telling me my daughter was "very sick." She repeated it several times. I remember her telling me her Blood Pressure was dangerously low. I remember the panic that set in once we saw the hospital and the sheer frustration of managing the parking garage. We all but ran down the adjoining walk way to the front desk. The desk was of course expecting us. It was 3 AM who else would be coming in at that time of the night. We couldn't wash our hands fast enough. We were escorted into a room where a baby laid on a warmer. She was small like our Elizabeth no doubt. But OUR Elizabeth was pink and moving when we left. This baby was pale enough to see every tiny vain in her little body. She laid completely unaware of her surrounding. I was greeted by more nurses and Doctors than any one tiny baby should have. We met almost any specialist you can think of from surgical to metabolic to Respiratory. We slept in Elizabeth's room that night. Or what sleep you can imagine we got. Her heart slowed and Blood pressure would bottom out every few minutes. Our nerves were shot. Our heart was broken. We prayed like I never knew we were capable of. Jacob and I knew if God didn't show up and show out fast our little girl wouldn't pull through.

For several days it was a blur. We had more phone calls, text, Facebook messages, and voice mail's than we thought humanly possible. Word traveled fast. Prayers traveled even faster. By lunch time on Dec 1st (Sunday) her levels were drastically improving. By 3AM Monday morning they were normal. Without the THOUSANDS of prayers and love our Elizabeth WOULD NOT be here.
I will never fully give the story the way that I should. I will always leave out a detail and wish I would have added it.

 Tonight we read our Christmas books, snacked, and rocked in the recliner. I was brought to tears remembering how close we were to never having these moments with Elizabeth. I realized that God continues to remind me of the miracles that I have been fortunate enough to witness. I have been blessed to live with my personal miracle. She reminds me how God has prepared our future and how he never forgets us. He is our constant friend, comfort, and hope in the greatest trials.

If you think that is a load of crap then you need to talk to Elizabeth's Neonatologist. Dr. Coghill would simply tell you your an idiot. Her pediatrician, Dr. Millette, always is amazed when he hears her progress. He constantly reminds me how he sees God working in her life. (His words not mine.) I am not here to brag about how awesome my kid is, or how lucky we are that god "chose" us. I just am saying HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD that he cared, that he loves, and he listens. God has saved my daughters life more than once, you don't think that he doesn't care about our fears and problems? If your answer is no, give me a call I could blow your mind!